My Grandson Says the Darnedest Things

Kids have the funniest notions. I spent some time with my older grandson last Friday, and he kept me thoroughly entertained and on my toes. My husband and I agreed to split the time with him because we each had separate things we needed to do that day. I took the morning shift.

My grandson and I began our day with breakfast. I was just beginning to cook mine when his mommy dropped him off at my house. When I asked if he was hungry, he assured me that he was not because he had already eaten. So, I made myself an omelet. The moment I slid it onto my plate, the young man came into the kitchen and told me he was hungry.

He didn’t want an omelet, oatmeal, cereal, scrambled eggs, or anything else I offered. I was getting desperate when he picked up a package of ramen noodles and asked if he could have those. I wasted no time putting the water on the stove, and he had hot noodles in minutes. Happy kid, happy nana.

After he finished second breakfast, we headed to my mom’s place of employment to surprise her. Along the way, I mentioned I’d like to take her a beverage. I had Diet Pepsi in mind, but my grandson thought a fancy coffee sounded better. Of course, his idea was more special, so we did that. He was so proud walking into the building holding both his hot chocolate and Mom’s mocha.

The surprise went over well. Mom was thrilled to see him and loved her fancy coffee. She showed him around and introduced him to people he’d met before but was too young to remember. She answered his myriad of questions and had a rousing discussion about Iron Man, who is apparently his new favorite Marvel character.

Following the visit to Mom’s office, we headed to the bookstore. During the drive, my grandson peppered me with questions about how and when I met certain members of his family. The conversation was progressing quickly until he asked about his dad’s stepdad. I explained I had met him at a cookout, and my grandson asked me which side of his family I was on at the time. This puzzled me, and I once again explained that I am his mom’s stepmom, so I have been on his mom’s side of the family since I married my husband.

He kept asking me and telling me that made no sense. Finally, he said something about Papa Jim, my husband. I explained I’d met him at a grocery store where I was working as a bookkeeper. I told my grandson how a mutual friend had thought we would get along well, and his papa came to introduce himself while I was at work.

That little boy looked over at me and yelled, “You said you met him at a cookout!”

When I explained I had met Papa Rick, my grandson's dad's stepdad, at a cookout, but I met Papa Jim at a grocery store, he threw his hands in the air and cried, “That’s what I was asking!”

I explained that he hadn't made the subject of his question clear, which had me repeating myself like a broken record. It certainly doesn't help that all of his grandfathers are called Papa. He has a blended family, so there are at least six Papas.

The bookstore, Always Buying Books, was a whole adventure in and of itself. My grandson was excited to go and then not interested in anything he saw. He picked up a box set and told me all about the series. When I asked if he wanted the set, he told me he wouldn’t read them. I was very confused by his answer.

I took him all through the store, and he acted interested in a few things and then told me he didn’t want them. Finally, one of the amazing employees took pity on me and led him over to a shelf of comics and graphic novels where she helped him choose a book.

While examining the books the rockstar employee was showing him, he decided announcing to everyone in the store that I write inappropriate books would be a good idea. I had to explain to everyone that I wouldn't let him have a copy of my novel because it contains some grownup content that is not appropriate for a nine-year-old boy but is fine for an adult.

The staff got a big kick out of that and told my grandson I happen to be famous. He didn't believe them, but he had a moment of uncertainty when one of the ladies asked him how else she would know my name. I love that store and those folks!

Meanwhile, I had a huge stack of books ready to purchase. With his book included, my total was pretty substantial but not outrageous. I bought several "blind date with a book" bundles, and those are a little more expensive than the regular books.

My grandson’s eyes bulged at the total, and he asked if that was right. I assured him the total was correct, but he took the receipt to examine it, anyway.  I explained about TBR (To Be Read) piles, and he just shook his head.

On the drive home, he said, “I can hardly wait to tell Papa that you spent all of his money on books.”

I explained that I didn’t spend any of Papa’s money. I have my own job from which I earn my own money. I pay my bills, and Papa pays his. We don't tell each other how to spend our own money.

The kid studied me for a moment and then said, “I’m telling Papa that you spent all of your money on books, and now you’re broke!”

I tried to explain about budgeting and how all of my bills for this pay period were paid, but he wasn’t having it. The funny thing is that my husband probably spent more money taking that child to the movies on the tickets, drinks, and snacks than I spent at the bookstore and coffee shop combined.

Just before we arrived home, he asked me about retirement. I told him I have eleven to thirteen years before I can retire. He, of course, had an opinion and offered his sage wisdom.

"You can't retire. You won't have a job, and you'll be broke," he said.

I didn't get into 401Ks, IRAs, and Social Security with him. That conversation can wait. He isn't quite ten years old yet, so he won't need to worry about finances for a while.

I have never had so many varying conversations in a three-hour time span before. He kept me pivoting all morning. Then, when I asked what he wanted for lunch, he asked for six boiled eggs. Yeah, I wasn't expecting that, either.

All too soon, he won't have time for Nana and Papa, so my husband and I both try to make the most out of our time with him. These experiences are treasures.

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